New Phase

I haven't blogged in awhile but today I just wanted to share some thoughts.  I am near mid-thirties and I am getting ready to plan my first wedding.  As exciting as all of this is, I want to remember to focus on my upcoming marriage and what it means to us.

I may be presumptuous but I think he felt giving me the ring was a big deal to me.  He had spoke of doing it years ago so for my birthday weekend last month he finally fulfilled that promise. To be honest with you the ring is beautiful and to my liking but its not what excites me.  I have already misplaced it a couple of times (albeit in the house) and I have come to realize it is a material object. It is special to me because it symbolizes something greater which is my bond with him.

So many women get excited about the ring, the celebrations and ceremony to follow, but at this point I am excited to be with someone that I know is willing to be my partner in life. I have seen several marriages fail including my parents, so to know that someone is willing to stay and fight for the relationship to work means a lot to me. To have a partner  that will take the good with the bad and keep us rolling is essential.

I am not going to go into the good, the bad and the ugly of our relationship but I will say that it wasn't a fairy tale that got us here, but it feels so good to be here.  Let's be honest I don't know how I will pull this lovely affair together. I don't know where the funds will be coming from. I don't know what the weather will be.  I don't know if at that time all my loved ones will be in good health.  Hell, I don't even know if we will really be together till death do us part, but I do know my chances are good :-)

-KD

Together but Unequal

You ever been involved in an relationship just to find out you were living in two different realities?

You thought she was your friend and she thought you were a person she can use for food, transportation and conversation, you know all of the things she hasn't been able to squeeze from a man just yet....

You thought you were in a loving relationship with a soul mate, but he was with someone he was just with, ready at anytime to move on with the next if the opportunity presented itself....

Or how about you go though social media claiming and praising somebody, letting everyone know you are "In a Relationship" but you go to their page and you would not even know you exist? You ask them to change this and they have every excuse in the book not to because it is too much to change a status or post a picture, and they don't have to because it is their page *side eye*

There are so many more examples but the point of them all is that we all enter relationships with different hearts and motives.  You will never know who is truly there for you until they consistently show themselves as such. This is a wake up call! No don't go into the world with closed hearts but give people the opportunity to prove themselves.  Let relationships grow so you can see what you are dealing with.  Even the best manipulator will show their true colors in due time. If there is ever a New Year resolution you should have every year it is to make yourself more AWARE.  See where your life is headed and who you are letting in your drivers seat.  Evaluate constantly if relationships are causing you to grow or if they are causing you constant pain.

Shopping from Minority Owned Businesses

After recent events many people believe that during this holiday season African-American dollars should go straight into African-American owned businesses.  Sounds like a great concept but sometimes it is hard to figure out where to go.  I have found a great website called My Culture Hub and Purchase Black that features great gift ideas from minority owned businesses.  I will also post other businesses that I frequent or hear of from you, that may be worth your dollars this season and beyond!

Beauty

SheaMoisture
CurlBox
Huetiful 
Whipped
Ginger + Liz
Erica's Organics

Accessories

Jendayi Collection

Clothing

Taylor Jay Collection 

Gifts

Cookie Girl Cookie Shop

Entertainment

The Comedy Union

Travel

Welcome Manor Inn - Chicago

-KD

Updated 7/14/16

Energy and Flow

If I can say I learned anything in September 2014 it is fully understanding that there may be setbacks but if you really put your mind and goals on positive things life is just.....easier.  I have heard the phrase let go and let God many times in my life but how many of us actually put this into practice? The art of letting go has me almost a month into a low-carb diet seeing great results!  Letting go has led me to having more positives days and interactions with my partner and overall I just look and feel better!  I can focus more on things that I need and want to do.

Do not be mislead, this is not a magic wand, you cannot wave around positive vibes and all will be well, but it really is not about what happens to us, it is about how we react to those negative things when they happen.  I truly feel like the tide has turned on my life lately because I am doing the work.  I have noticed that I have been holding on to a lot of baggage and negativity.  I have been holding on to bad habits keeping me from looking and feeling my best.

I would tell any of you if you are feeling down right now or things do not seem to be the way you want them to be then pay attention to YOU, not who did you wrong, who is harming you, who is taking away from you, focus on yourself.  The things and people you put energy towards, is it positive, is it healthy?  Finally decide you want to CHANGE, doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is insanity and many of us are living a life that is insane.  When I looked at myself I notice that even though I complained about how others treated me I wasn't showing others what love is.  Love is forgiving love is not holding grudges. And after you let go of all that negative feeling of who did you wrong if you feel you need to let them go as well then do that.  But first figure you out, how can we expect people to treat us so well when we won't even take the time to look at the poison we put in our bodies, or go to the doctor when we feel sick?

I am still on this journey but I promise you if you just tune everyone out and get in tune with yourself you will notice that every interaction you do have with others will just seem a little better, will have a bit more purpose.  You will no longer just be going through the motions, you will be living. Seriously you will wake up and realize I am LIVING life not just alive. Be well, be loved.

-KD

What Is Acceptable On Social Media For Couples

I had an interesting conversation about Facebook the other day and it just got me to thinking about how would you want your significant other to conduct themselves on social media.  Does it bother you if you are not friends on Facebook, Twitter and IG?  Do you cringe when you see your lover "like" the opposites sex photos? Does your partner post items about everyone under the sun except YOU! What is it that are deal breakers for you, or do you only care what you are as a couple in "real life"?

Lance Gross Announces Baby On The Way

It is not uncommon to see beautiful photos taken by actor and photographer Lance Gross on his Instagram  but today was an extra special post because it was a gorgeous shot taken of his girlfriend stylist Rebecca Jefferson and boy is she visibly preggers.

But even more heartwarming is his caption:

“GOD has Gifted me. It's like I get to unwrap you daily. Your presence continues to bring me joy each time without exhaustion. I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU. I Turned My Camera On @becjefferson :)"

I mean damn he is fine, nice career and can show love like this on social media,  some girls have all the luck! Congratulations to them both!!

RIP Ruby Dee

Ruby Dee, the award-winning actress whose seven-decade career included triumphs on stage and screen, has died earlier this week at age 91.

Dee died peacefully Wednesday at her New Rochelle, New York, home, according to her representative, Michael Livingston.

Dee, often with her late husband, Ossie Davis, was a formidable force in both the performing arts community and the civil rights movement. The couple were master and mistress of ceremonies at the 1963 March on Washingon, and she was friends with the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. and Malcolm X. Dee received the Frederick Douglass Award in 1970 from the New York Urban League.

As an actress, her film credits included "The Jackie Robinson Story" (1950), "A Raisin in the Sun" (1961), "Buck and the Preacher" (1972), "Do the Right Thing" (1989) and "American Gangster" (2007).

Dee earned an Oscar nomination for her performance in "Gangster." She won an Emmy and Grammy for other work.

I need to read their joint memoir “With Ossie and Ruby: In This Life Together” since I have recently learned that Ruby Dee and Ozzie Davis were at one time in an open marriage.  This quote I take to heart: 

 "But, we both came to realize that we were very fortunate that, in all of the deep profound, fundamental ways, we really, really only wanted each other. It was like a rediscovery of something from the beginning. It's not something that you'd recommend to everybody. But often Ossie has said - and I've though too - the best way to have somebody is to let it go. If it doesn't come back you are free in another kind of sense - in that you find the strength to let go and wish somebody well. So, we thought an open marriage was appropriate for us but it turned out not to be. But then that's what we're all about, we are moving from one position to another in the process of trying to unravel this thing call life." 

As I try to figure out and unravel my life I appreciate their talent, their wisdom and the gift of love they shared with the world.  Ruby can now be joined with her love and we are left here on earth to make the best of the time we have with our loved ones.

-KD